Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
