Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
