guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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