life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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