you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
