he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
