Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
