I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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