Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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