found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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