I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
