Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
