I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
