the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
