You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
