dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
