I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize