when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
