he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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