I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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