i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
