You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
