Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
