please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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