Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i think my cat just said my name.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
