can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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