i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
