I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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