Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
