I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
