You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
