i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize