also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
