Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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