And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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