ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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