He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize