Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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