Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
