i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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