I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
