My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
