I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
