jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
