I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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