You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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