super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
