I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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