FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
