Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
