Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then my night got REAL pukey
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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