oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
