So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
