i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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