If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
