I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
