SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
