My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
