what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
