Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
