Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
