So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
