Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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