my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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