I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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