Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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