Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
