I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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