She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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