Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God, I missed his penis.
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