Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
