Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
