Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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