i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
